


Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover

by tsukkiyama_trash



Category: 2Cellos
Genre: Lots of Angst, M/M, also i feel like the 2CELLOS fandom is kinda small, also idk if its canon in real life but, also im gonna be honest here for a sec yall, also it gets kinda smutty occasionally, also theres kinda strong language sometimes, also wow i wrote Luka as the dominant one, and (partially) unrequited love, and i stopped writing this for a while, but here it is and here i am, but not like detailed bc i cant write that, but whatever man, during those parts it's just like, halfway through writing ch 1 i found out luka got married, heavily implied in the writing, i honestly didn't think i was gonna continue it, i just like writing, i saw one (1) pic of him on facebook smoking so, idk if thats a concern, im adding it, im writing stjepan as a smoker in this one, in ch 1 anyway, luka's recent engagement????, no joke, not gonna lie i cried for 2 hours, oh boy, really surprised myself there, so there probably isnt a lot of desire for a multi chapter fic, stjepan and luka get drunk and do things they shouldn't've, stjepan is kinda a cry baby in this one oops, thats a bad explanation but you know, their friendship? partnership??, this was supposed to just be a stjepan/luka fic but, what does this mean for them??, who the fuck knows!!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 15:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11626857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsukkiyama_trash/pseuds/tsukkiyama_trash
Summary: To burn with desire and keep quiet about it is the greatest punishment we can bring on ourselves.





	Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover

**Author's Note:**

> “Because what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?” 
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> (while writing this chapter i listened to Californication and Hurt by 2CELLOS on repeat to get extra angsty and sad so idk it might be helpful to listen to those when you get to like the middle of this chapter or a bit before¯\\_(ツ)_/¯)

Stjepan woke to a dull ache in the back of his head. The minimal light that managed to filter through the drawn curtains seemed all too bright and his body ached. He stretched his arms above him, reaching them towards the ceiling. He felt a satisfying _pop_ in his back and dropped his heavy arms out and away from him, the left one landing on something hidden beneath the bed sheet. The sheet let out a quiet groan, shifted, then was still again. Stjepan froze. He didn’t remove his arm from its place on the thing next to him. He hesitated still, then turned his head slowly so as not to worsen the throbbing in his skull that grew stronger every minute he was awake. All that wasn’t obscured by the sheet was the back of a dark, unruly head of hair.Something clicked in his mind as he realized who was sleeping still so soundly beside him. His mind raced as he tried to recall any memory of the previous night, worsening his migraine. He sat upright in the bed too quickly, simultaneously sending a bolt of pain through his temple and making all his thoughts swim, blurring them all together in a jumble. He laid back down and let the pain searing through his head subside before collecting his thoughts. He remembers performing with Luka and Dusan, and he remembers going out for drinks to celebrate, but his memories after that are muddy and jumbled and trying to focus on them makes his head throb even more. He looks around the room. To the left, past Luka’s sleeping frame, which rises and falls slowly as he breathes, is the other bed, which is empty and still crisply made. Stjepan turns his head to the right and he can see their clothes were thrown carelessly about the floor and their shoes abandoned by the door. Suddenly, as if triggered by the sight, an onslaught of memories comes back to Stjepan, as clear and as real as when it happened.

 _They stumbled into their hotel room, waving goodbye to Dusan and laughing as they shut the door behind them. Sure, they'd had a few too many drinks, but neither man would admit to being as drunk as they were. Stjepan kicked his shoes off by the door and peeled off his suit jacket, tossing it haphazardly in the direction of the arm chair by the window, not bothering to check whether it missed the chair or not. He made his way clumsily over to the bed closest, flopping face first onto the soft duvet. Luka stood by the door still and he had a huge, dopey grin plastered across his face. Luka made his way fumblingly over to the big windows and pulled the drapery shut tightly. He turned and pulled his shoes off before charging full speed at the bed where Stjepan laid and threw himself down on it, almost landing on the other man. Both men let out a roaring cascade of laughter that left them breathless._ _After regaining their composure, Stjepan asked, “Good concert, eh?”_

_“Probably our best yet,” Luka replied, laughing again. He said that after every one of their concerts. He pulled himself fully onto the bed, moving so his back rested against the headboard. Stjepan followed suit, positioning himself next to the younger man. Luka closed his eyes slowly and let his head fall back with a dull thud. Stjepan admired his profile carefully. The slope of his nose, the contour of his mouth, his sharp, angled cheekbones, and cleanly shaven jawline. He looked at the beautiful incline of Luka’s neck and let a small sigh escape his lips. As if he could feel Stjepan’s gaze on him, Luka’s eyes flickered open and he stared ahead for only a moment before turning his head to catch the gaze of the man sitting next to him. His sparkling eyes were irresistibly charming, glowing bright, and Stjepan felt his skin grow hot all over under Luka’s warm stare. Neither of them said anything for what seemed like an eternity but was probably only mere seconds. Stjepan’s breath caught in his throat as Luka disturbed their little staring contest by abruptly swinging his left leg over both his own body and Stjepan’s and shifting his weight so he was sitting on the older man’s lap. “Luka, wha-“, Stjepan started. Luka cut him off by lifting his eyes and looking the other man right in the face. His gaze was sharp now, as if lined with shards of glass around the edges. The calculating coldness of his stare sent a shiver down Stjepan’s spine. He opened his mouth to continue but shut it again dumbly, his train of thought having derailed and crashed into a fiery mess.  Luka dropped his gaze and Stjepan could feel himself let out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. Luka lifted his hand to Stjepan’s chest, letting it come to rest gently right over where his heart is. He looked into Stjepan’s eyes again, but his glance was gentler this time. Stjepan’s heart was beating so fast, and he knew Luka could feel it through the fabric of his dress shirt. Luka took Stjepan’s hand in his ever so softly and guided it to rest over his own heart. The older man was shocked to find that Luka’s heart was beating equally as fast as his. He looked up hesitantly, and Luka’s eyes swirled with lust and desire and wanting. However, before Stjepan could ponder about it further, Luka leaned in slowly, closing the gap between their mouths. With their hands still on the heart of the other, they felt their pulses quicken simultaneously. Luka pulled away first and rested his forehead carefully against Stjepan’s, letting out a shaky breath. He lifted his hand and gingerly rested it on Stjepan’s cheek, running the pad of his thumb over the smooth contour of the older man’s cheekbone. “Do you want this?” he whispered, barely audible over the combined sound of their quick breathing and beating hearts in such a close proximity. Stjepan’s mind didn’t hesitate, but his words did. His breath hitched as he inhaled. Did Luka know what he was saying? They were both drunk, after all. Would this be considered as him taking advantage of Luka? That was the last thing he wanted to do. But he did want this, he wanted Luka, he wanted him more than anything right now. He exhaled slowly through his nose, concentrating on making the words come out of his mouth. “Yes,” he quavered. He repeated himself, with more confidence this time. “Yes.” He met Luka’s lustful gaze and the next thing he knew, the minuscule gap between them was closed again. He had hardly a moment to react before Luka pressed his tongue to the seam of his lips and, at his grant of access, delved inside Stjepan’s mouth. Their tongues moved together hotly and sloppily inside of Stjepan’s mouth. Luka pulled back again to take a breath. "If you want me to stop, tell me now," he whispered in his native tongue. That’s strange, Stjepan thought. He had really only heard Luka speak in Croatian when he was talking to one of the many girlfriends he had at one time or another. Was Luka confusing him for the girl he was currently seeing? He did have quite a few shots. Maybe his mind wasn’t quite right and he was seeing an image of someone else projected onto Stjepan. Luka ghosted his lips right above Stjepan’s and whispered in Croatian still, “Stjepan, I want you.” He pressed one small kiss to the lips of the man below him. Stjepan’s mind raced. Everything was moving too fast and he couldn’t process what was happening. It didn’t help that a cloud of alcohol fogged his brain, slowing his thoughts and reaction time even more. _

_“_ _You’re drunk, Luka. You don’t know what you’re saying.” His tone had gotten colder and his words had a bite to them as anger started to rush through him. It was unfair. He’d wanted this for so long, he’d been thinking about it for months and months. During those_ _quiet moments in the middle of the night, he was lying in bed, thinking of moments like this._

_And now he was finally getting what he wanted._

_But it didn’t count. It meant nothing because they were both drunk and Luka was mistaking him for the pretty girl he was seeing and it wasn’t fair because Stjepan wanted it to be him. He wanted to be the one that Luka wanted. But he wasn’t. He couldn’t ever be. He was only a friend, a career partner, just someone Luka shared a common interest with. Stjepan had come to this realization a long time ago, but right now, mixed with the current circumstances and the body on top of him, it hurt even more. Everything he wanted was just barely out of his reach and it made his heart ache._

_He put both palms flat on Luka’s chest and tried to push him off from on top of him, turning his head to avoid Luka’s gaze. He was upset and he could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he was afraid that if he looked at the man above him, the tears would spill over and he wouldn’t be able to stop them. He pushed again on Luka’s chest trying desperately to escape from under him. Luka slammed his hands down hard onto the headboard on both sides of Stjepan’s head, gripping it tightly, pinning the man below him into place. Shocked, Stjepan cried out and dropped his hands. He had never seen Luka, whose demeanor was always so light and kind, do anything like that. He was stuck under him now, Luka’s strong arms on either side of his head, keeping him there. Stjepan kept his gaze adverted away from Luka’s, but it did no good. The tears spilled over anyway, starting with just one, then another, and another and another until they were rushing down his face. He clenched his jaw and gritted his teeth as a small, pathetic hiccup escaped out of his mouth. He felt so childish and small, sitting beneath Luka with tears running down his face._

_“Luka,” he said, hiccupping again. “I can’t do this anymore.”_

_“It’s tearing me apart. I…I’ve thought about this for so long. This,” he said, gesturing between them with his hand, “the closeness and the romance, I want this more than anything. But I can’t have it and it’s ruining me.” He paused, exhaling a shaky breath before going on._

_“I love you, Luka. I want to give my heart to you, but you don’t want it. I want you to have the same feelings for me as I have for you but it’s unrealistic._ _And what’s worse than knowing you want something, besides knowing you can never have it?” Stjepan paused and wiped his eyes again on the backs of his hands. He thought about how pitiful he must seem, acting like a school girl who got rejected by her crush. He let out a small, pained chuckle. “You couldn’t love me even if you wanted to,” he whispered, grabbing Luka’s left hand and holding it in the air between them. A simple, white gold band shimmered on Luka’s second finger, and both men were painfully reminded of his recent engagement. The younger of the pair slid the ring off his finger aggressively and threw it towards the corner furthest them. “I’ll call it off,” Luka said quickly. “I’ll cancel the wedding and I’ll break up with her. Stjepan, please.” Stjepan let out a ridiculing laugh, looking Luka straight in the face now, his eyebrows drawn together and his lips pressed in a tight line.  
“Do you hear yourself right now?” He knew his tone was mean and he’d probably hurt Luka’s feelings but he couldn’t stop himself. “Why the fuck would you call it off? You love her, Luka. And I love you, but my love means nothing to you compared to hers. I’m just a comrade, a co-worker.” He could tell his last words hit particularly hard. He saw Luka wince after he said them. “You’re so drunk right now anyway,” he added quietly, softening his tone. “You won’t remember any of the nonsense you’re spewing in the morning.” As he said this, he lowered his gaze again and clenched his jaw. Maybe the things he said were mean, but they were all true. Luka  didn’t love Stjepan, he loved his pretty, petite girlfriend, with her delicate, curved frame and her flawless skin and long, blonde cascade of hair. Tears threatened to spill out again as Stjepan thought about this, about how he could never be what Luka wanted. Luka removed one hand from beside its place next to Stjepan’s head and placed it gently under the older man’s chin, lifting his head and forcing him to look Luka in the face. “Stjepan.” His voice was low and husky, sending another jolt of electricity through Stjepan’s body. Stjepan tried to look away but Luka’s grip on him tightened just slightly, keeping him in place. He leaned in real close to the man below him, nuzzling his nose gently up and down the slope of Stjepan’s neck. _

_“I want you,” he whispered as he ghosted his lips over Stjepan’s jawline. “Please, Stjepan, I want you,” he repeated, more desperately, almost like a cry for help. Stjepan loved it when Luka said his name. The way the syllables rolled off his tongue sent a rippling wave of heat through his body. Luka moved to pepper small, lingering, barely-there kisses over Stjepan. He undid the two topmost buttons on the other man’s dress shirt, granting himself more access to the neck and collarbone of the body below him. He kissed, hard, on Stjepan’s clavicle, sucking on the skin there and then just barely brushing his lips over the spot, leaving two or three small, dark, purple bruises on the man’s otherwise unmarked complexion. Stjepan, having given in completely to Luka’s touch, groaned, the sound coming from low within his throat. Luka ghosted his lips over the shell of Stjepan’s ear, whispering_ , _“I need you.” The sound sent yet another shockwave down Stjepan’s body and he could feel a setting warmth growing in his lower abdomen. When Stjepan still said nothing, Luka moved his head and brushed his mouth down the curvature of the other man’s neck gently, burying his face into the crook of Stjepan’s neck. Stjepan’s breath caught in his throat and fireworks boomed in his chest. He moved his hands almost instinctively to rest on Luka’s waist, pulling him closer, having decided to just say fuck it and allow whatever was gonna happen to happen. He initiated the kiss this time, starting gently, carefully, but it wasn’t gentleness he wanted, not now, not after all this time. He knotted his fists in the back of Luka’s dress shirt, wrinkling the expensive material. He groaned softly, low in his throat, and then as their mouths worked feverishly together, his hold on Luka’s shirt loosened and his hands wandered the muscular expanse of the younger man’s broad back. Luka’s tongue pushed its way back into Stjepan’s mouth and they glide together with more ease this time. He arched himself against Stjepan as an attempt to get even closer and in doing so he accidentally grinded himself against Stjepan in a way that sends a tingling heat down both of them. He breaks from the other’s mouth to let out a noise that seemed to be a mix of a moan and a gasp. The noise sends a wave of pleasure through Stjepan. Consumed with desire, he takes over, moving his head and planting lingering kisses over Luka’s smooth jawline. He moves lower, to Luka’s neck, and the younger man is moaning again and tilting his head further back to allow more access. Stjepan kissed the tender flesh right under Luka’s jawline, sucking on the spot, then working his tongue over it, leaving a small bruise. He moved again, this time to kiss Luka’s earlobe ever so gently, then to bite it, being careful to be even gentler. He nudged just behind Luka’s ear with his nose, his breath barely ghosting the other’s neck but sending another heat wave through both of them. Luka put both his hands on Stjepan’s chest, as if to signal a break. His nimble fingers began working at the small remaining buttons on his partner’s shirt, moving as quickly as possible. He pushed the fabric down over the squared shoulders below him and discarded the shirt somewhere behind them. Then he swiftly began undoing his own buttons, moving too quick and fumbling over them. Stjepan chuckled, pushing his hands away gently and undoing the buttons himself, discarding it, too. Luka halted to admire the older man. He’d never really thought of this part of his partner before, and he had certainly never seen it. Stjepan didn’t have a slim frame like Luka did. No, instead he had wide hips and broad shoulders, strong arms and a muscular chest. Luka ran his hands slowly and softly over Stjepan’s chest, lifting his eyes to meet Stjepan’s gaze. __Those dark, soulful eyes stared back up at Luka from their position beneath him, filled with a lust and hunger and passion he’d seen only when they were performing._

_“Kiss me,” Stjepan says. Luka does._

_This kiss was different from their previous ones. Their lips met and the world fell away. It was slow and soft, comforting in ways that words would never be. Luka ran his fingers down Stjepan’s spine, pulling him closer until their chests were flush and their heartbeats mingled. Stjepan lifted his hands and ran them through Luka’s hair, tugging just slightly on the dark strands, trying to get a grip on something as everything he knew dissipates around him in a dizzying frenzy._ _This is wonderful, Stjepan thinks. I want to breathe him, lick him, eat him, drink him. His lips taste like honey._

_Everything Stjepan thinks about who he is, what he is, where he is, is irrelevant. There are no words between them anymore, only sensation. Stjepan suddenly feels powerless underneath the taller man. A noise escapes his lips, an embarrassingly deep sigh — like air rushing out of something. He can’t believe that Luka is letting this happen; he’s not stopping it, he’s not hesitating, he’s enjoying it._

_Stjepan is thinking that it’ll stop in a minute, it won’t really happen, it won’t go too far. He’ll wake up in his bed, alone, and Luka will be asleep in his bed. Alone. His trail of thought is abruptly interrupted as Luka’s hands busy themselves with undoing the belt that sits tightly at Stjepan’s waist. He moves fast with hungry desperation, tossing away the belt and undoing the buttons and zipper, sliding the dark slacks down over his hips, his thighs, and finally his ankles before tossing them to the laundry pile, too. Stjepan is left in only his underwear, feeling more exposed and vulnerable than ever before. Luka moves backward and Stjepan follows, no longer sitting back against the headboard but instead lying totally on his back with Luka towering over him, his knees resting on either side of Stjepan’s hips, squeezing gently, and his hands coming to rest on either side of the older man’s head below him. Luka lowers himself and sits on Stjepan’s calves to give himself better access to the smooth, strong expanse of the chest below him. He kisses, starting where he left off at Stjepan’s collarbone, breathing hot and heavy against the other’s skin. He follows an invisible trail with his mouth, kissing all the way down to Stjepan’s navel, where he stops. He looks up hungrily at Stjepan as he hooks his finger onto the elastic band of the briefs and yanks them down, leaving the man under him 100%, totally exposed. Stjepan’s mouth falls open, shocked, and he tries his best from his current position to curl into himself so as not to be seen in his naked totality. His efforts are fruitless, however, as Luka puts his hands on both of Stjepan’s knees and forces them back down onto the mattress._

Stjepan knows what happened next, and the soreness in his whole lower half tells him what happened after that. _Fuck,_ he thought, _what have I done?_  He turns and looks at Luka, whose still sound asleep under the sheet. He lifts the sheet off of himself and, so carefully and slowly, slips out of the bed. He heads for the bathroom and, suddenly remembering his nudity, picks his underwear off from its place on the floor and slips it on. Once in the bathroom, he shuts the door as quietly as he can and twists the lock. He drops himself onto the closed toilet lid and sits with his head in his hands, staring at the cold tile floor.

_How could I have let this happen?_

_How many drinks did Luka have? Maybe he won’t remember any of it and I can just never tell him and pretend it didn’t happen?_

_He just cheated on his fiancé with you, Stjepan, he deserves to know._

_You’re right, but how am I supposed to tell him? It’s not like I can just say “Hey you sat on my lap and made out with me last night and then I started crying and then you said you were calling off your wedding and then you fucked me.” He’d probably run screaming out of the hotel thinking I’ve lost my mind._

_You have._

_Fuck._

His lips trembled and his shoulders heaved with emotion. His dark lashes became heavy with tears unwilling to fall.

A single tear escaped, tracing down his cheek, and just like that, the floodgates had been opened. He sobbed, the tears streaming ceaselessly from his eyes, loud, heaving sobs tearing from his throat.

The walls that have held him up for so long have finally collapsed.

**Author's Note:**

> oh wow oh boy it's 3 am but i just wanna say THANK YOU if you read this emotional shit storm of a chapter!!! wowowow i have no idea why im doing this bc i doubt many people want a 2CELLOS fic and a multi chapter one at that but!! fuckit man i like doing this so im doing it and yeah here it is its SHITTY but it's done!!!!! wow ok so yea thank you and stayed tuned for chapter 2 ;) it should be up fairly soon.  
> also??? holy shit almost 4k words in the first chapter?? how'd that happen??? i guess the flashback section is pretty long hh  
> god damn i'm rereading this and its a MESS im so sorry ksksdksjksvnl


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